Teleporting through Music


It was last weekend when my “boyfriend” and I had the house to ourselves. My mother-in-law was up for an overnight visit with the kids. When this very rare event happens he puts a movie into the kitchen television that we would normally not be able to watch. His go-to is always “Bridesmaids.” It makes him belly laugh during the scene when they’re on the plane and the Kristin Wiig is drunk. Anyway, I digress. In the end they feature Wilson-Phillips singing. I mentally note that I’ll search it later on Spotify and catch up with some old tunes.

One day while I’m home making dinner, before anyone else gets there, I turn on the ol’iphone and blare the trio in my Bose speakers. Let’s just say that my body might’ve been in my kitchen, but my mind was crossing the Maryland bridge, tucked under the steering wheel of my Celica, crying my eyes out after just seeing my ex-boyfriend. We had met up for lunch that day and got caught up with each other’s lives. He’d been away at college.

With each song, “Release Me” … “You’re in Love” … I was there in that moment. I was singing like I could’ve taken over for lead vocal in their next concert. If only I could remember why I go into rooms sometimes I’d be happy! Anyway, it was all right there. The emotions, just like it was an hour ago. The lyrics stabbing my heart like sharp needles, rattling emotions. I belted out the entire album (my toy Yorkie starring at me with a look of whether to run or stay) and then placed it back into the corners of my mind…in my heart. Music has that sort of effect on me.


Breaking Up

wpid-000031061When it comes to breaking up with someone, isn’t it really just one reason why to do it? Love no longer sustains you. Do you remember the first few weeks of a budding relationship? You could live on what the feeling of love afforded you, alone. Eating and sleeping paled in comparison to the quench of what ol’Cupid shot you in the butt with. The late night phone calls that last for hours, the flowers, text messages the moment you woke up, wishing you a good day? Flutters in your stomach when they came into the room. Why there was so much romanticism about love in your head, you could almost see tiny pink hearts circle around you like a cartoon image.

Then it either continues coming stronger, with speeds of a runaway train; or it starts to slip away, like a thief in the night. Relationships can be pushed off the cliff for many reasons, but the simple fact is that the love is not enough. For one person or both. Sure, we can disguise it in the details of moving away, going in different directions, not compatible, but really? You just don’t love the person enough anymore to keep it going.

I am working on revisions for my new book, THE TRUTH ABOUT ELISE. It’s about a girl with commitment issues. The first part of the book Elise is trying to break up with her perfect boyfriend, Darren. For whatever reason, she does not feel like love outweighs the risk involved with staying with him. She fears one day he’ll leave her. Elise loves him, but it’s not enough to kill the fear.

Someone in my family is going through a breakup now. The couple has been together for two years. The guy is the initiator; the killer of all love and hope. The girl is dumbfounded over the breakup. What happened? Well, yes, the guy temporarily is living somewhere else for the summer, but if he loved her….I mean reallyyyy loved her, wouldn’t he move mountains to stay together? The ugly truth of the matter is, he’s putting himself and his needs before her. He doesn’t love her more than his dreams of moving on. She doesn’t know this now, of course, but she’s being spared worse hurt if they stayed together longer. The breakup eventually would come. Poor girl.

My debut book, WAKING AMY, discusses divorce. Anyone walk down the aisle at their wedding  thinking to themselves that one day they’ll be looking across a table with the guy standing in the tux, figuring out who gets the sofa and who gets the poodle? But, it’s so easy to now just call your attorney and get the papers drawn up. If it’s so easy to do that, were you ever really that invested? Investment, to me, means giving a lot of yourself. Giving unconditionally. Giving things that sometimes hurts to give; sacrificing to make the other person happy. Does anyone fight to stay together anymore? Was is ever really love in the first place? Or maybe just a figment.