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What we don’t say

Let’s be honest, what we don’t say is probably more important than what we do say. Have you ever sat and thought about all the things you didn’t say in a single day? How strangled the words were, locked deep inside your mind? And why on earth would we strangle our own words? They’re only words after all. Words that we feel. Words that pop into our minds the very second something happens or is said, and we want to unleash them and just feel better for saying it.

Okay, I understand. Sometimes we might not think the most angelic thoughts…is that it? We might find what we are holding back is a tad, okay, very judgmental. Did that person even ask our opinion about what we thought? Probably, probably not. But you’re certainly giving it to them in your head. “That was the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Your girlfriend is a moron, and you need not spend one extra minute being around her. She might be contagious with her nasty.” Instead we might remain politically correct (ew, I hate that) and say “Maybe she didn’t mean to hurt your feelings when she said the job you have could be done by a fifth grader. Maybe she’s just having a bad day.”

Or we don’t say things in order to not hurt someone’s feelings. “This spaghetti she made tastes like the cardboard box the noodles slid out of.” Still…a good idea to keep the door locked on what we really think. Plus, It’s a bit amusing to do stand-up comedy in our heads sometimes. It can amuse us, especially when we’re gutting down tasteless spaghetti and smiling while it gets clogged down our esophagus.

But then there are the times that these little ol’ four, five, six, maybe seven letter words should be set free. Like when they’ve been bottled up for so long, if you set them underneath a rocket they would shoot it right to the moon. It’s been too long, too suppressed. They’ve made you ill. Poison seeps from the depths of where they remain locked away and slowly begins to kill you. Day after day. Slowly the jet propulsion ability they had become echoes in your mind like a deranged patient, clanging the cup along the cell bars of where they’re locked. “Tell them the truth. Just do it.”

Flip side: The person who does not own a filter. They were born sans any way of never letting you know exactly what is on their mind, what they think, and how you look. These people scare me. They’re a little like a talking mirror. You don’t want to go up to them and ask how those pants make you look. You already know, anyway. They can be rude, outspoken, sometimes hurtful, but when we want to know the truth, they are who we seek out. I can appreciate a filter-less person sometimes. If anything to go and have an honest talk with. No pretenses. No bull. Just a little of like-it-is. Yeah, the world isn’t full of these people. Remember there is a tiny delineation to being honest and just mean. I’ll take the honest and leave the mean.

Sigh.

That was certainly a deep subject. It was just something on my mind. Driving home tonight I pondered the words that keep me company inside my mind. Words that I’d like to share, but don’t. Words that may surprise some, but we’ll never find out. Or won’t we?

Okay, so enough of the knee-deep thoughts. Or were they head-deep? lol Back to what’s going on. It’s been forever, right? Well, I’m still working on my next series. I am so excited about this series. I’ve learned so much with writing my other ones. I’ll share a bit about what’s going on with this new journey….

This is Lucy…Isn’t she a lovely girl? Lady, whatever. Well, love stinks for Lucy. Or so she will soon find out. But on her way to the grand epiphany, she will meet…Martin. He’s a rich (of course) bachelor and the love interest of her good friend. But does he really feel the same way for this friend? I mean, really?

I get chills just thinking of all the twists and turns they are about to go on. And don’t think they’re hooking up. No, no, no. Oh, didn’t I mention? Lucy’s married. And before anyone rolls their eyes and tags my story for a cheater convention, let me stop you now. There is no cheating going on. Well, not with the people who matter. Look at that, I’ve already said more than enough. You’re really going to have to stay tuned to some more tidbits of where my mind wanders. It’s a crazy place, you know.

Stay lovely, friends! It’s Monday, but that’s okay. If we’re lucky, we’ll get to Friday. 🙂

 

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‘I hope you don’t die tonight’

This is one of the nicest things my youngest son has told me in awhile. Isn’t that crazy? Have I told you this story? About my up and down life with him? I dedicated my latest book to him and he was both amazed and skeptical that I did. haha  He started out so, so cuddly. Well actually he came from the womb a very angry looking child. I had to change the name we picked for him because it was too sweet. He appeared a bit rough around the edges. But boy was he a snuggler. So much in fact that when he was about two years old, he questioned why my husband shared our bed and tried kicking him out. Throughout his younger days, he maintained this bizarre story that he was raised by aliens and brought here on a ship. Like I couldn’t make this stuff up. We actually got worried. Grandparents worried. They would ask if I was told the same recollection about his days before earth. yeah.

Anyway, time passes and he turns five and decides he doesn’t like me. As if I’d grown twelve horns that only he could see. Eventually his heart grew cold toward me. He wouldn’t let me sit near him, look at him…it was awful. He was the last, so it wasn’t as if he were jealous that someone else was taking his place. He just didn’t like me anymore. I would go back and forth from leaving him alone, hurt from his actions, and to keeping resolve that this would pass and I would remain his constant…always there when he was ready. Some days were harder than others. He actually mumbled hateful things to me. FOR NO GOOD REASON.

Fast forward to tonight. It has taken quite awhile to remain a constant, but as he was saying goodnight, he remarked that it was possibleI could die while he slept. Okay. I rolled my eyes and said, ‘I guess I could’. Then he looked at me with those light brown eyes with five freckles marking the bridge of his nose and said, ‘I hope you don’t die tonight’. Be still my heart. My little boy cares if I live or die. Improvement. Finally. 🙂

I’ve been writing….

Okay, that’s weird. But I’m keeping it. Anyway, I’m writing, and it feels so good. I’m in the head of this woman, Lucy. ‘Woman’ sounds so much older than what she is. She’s early thirties. I really like her. She doesn’t appear to be messed up, but as her writer would have it…she is. It’s headed into a series, I believe. One book cannot begin and end her. I’m so excited about it. I have to be careful because so much of my time can be consumed by a new project. I try my best to keep structure to my writing times. I can make no promises of not thinking about it every second of washing dishes, driving my kids to school, and staring ahead at the dinner table. 🙂 I’ll post an unedited scene in my next post. This lady is going to be fun!! And messy…did I mention messy?

Until next post!

 

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My Why

When you do something, you might sometimes ask yourself why. Why am I eating three more oreo cookies? Especially after I’ve eaten five. Hmm…probably because the milk tastes so good as it’s mushed against the cream. Certainly not because it’s on the food pyramid and you need that extra serving. Or maybe you don’t ask anything, ignore your mother’s voice saying ‘you’ll get fat, then you won’t be eating that junk’. You just open up and plop it in, only to regret it in the morning when the muffin top that was manageable yesterday, just busted like a can of biscuits. Wow, I really rolled down that alley of tangent, didn’t I? And I want some cookies to boot. 🙂 Anyway…..asking why can keep you grounded. Keep you focused. Or maybe take you off the course of something that wasn’t so good. So I ask myself, why do I write? My life is busy. I mean really…I have 6 kids, a job, lots of laundry (did I say lots? I mean I have so much that I will never see any basket bottoms ever). Writing takes so much time. So much effort. So much staring into space and creating. Typing and backspacing because you feel it’s crap. Why put myself through it? I’ll tell you why.

I love it.

I love to tell the story of people living inside my imagination. Seeing their words and thoughts on paper. Walking through the life of a messed up girl or guy and taking rights and lefts (or wrongs) and ending up in a happily ever after. Trust me, happily ever after wasn’t always the case. Now, as I’m aging, who wants to read three hundred pages just to have a semi-trailer truck run them over in the last ten pages? I write because it’s well with my soul. And the cherry on top? Having other people read it and connect with me. Not the haters, of course. We all know they exist. You know, the people who can be sitting on a beach with a gorgeous cocktail and man by their side, waves crushing the sand, sun beaming at just the right temperature, and they’re still not happy. For you, I, along with the free world, cannot make you happy. And I’m okay with that. Pick my stories apart. Whatever makes you feel better. But for the reader who gets it. Who is like me, join my table and feast upon another tale of messy love. For you, I write the stories. For you, I want to chat with. Life is about relationships. When we’re told we have little time left to live, do we say ‘I’m going to really miss my house’? No. We miss people. Pets. Maybe even doing our passion. Things? Never. Writing is very isolating work. It’s so nice to finally release my stories to readers and wait to hear what they got from it.

It’s release day for me, and I’m always anxious to see the reviews. One day I hope to reach a platform where I get more feedback. That’s a lovely goal. Until then, I’ll keep writing. Because I love it.

Have a lovely weekend, everyone. I’m off to visit the Carolinas with my husband. It’s a pretty big birthday for him and we have a generous babysitter. I can’t wait!!

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Heartbroken on Valentine’s Day

We all know that Valentine’s Day and me aren’t friends. Haven’t been for years. It just always turned out to be a crap day. Even when I did have a legitimate Valentine. It’s like Cupid circles my head and shoots flaming darts. But this one…this day started out fine. I finally remembered the cookies for my daughter’s school party. The teachers have only been after me all week. Yesterday they stapled a reminder…stapled! a reminder to her backpack. Then left another note inside her binder. I get it! Cookies. Anyway, I remembered. Then I set out and got everyone close to me a valentine, some fashion of a sweet, and a little $5 nothing. But something, really. I got my daughter a musical on DVD, my son these beans he collects. (They have magnets inside). And yada, yada, yada. I went in late to work, scored a free lunch, and went home to have a wonderful dinner made for yours truly. Whew, I made it. Then a few things happened, or as we know it, Cupid shot the first flame. First, my daughter confided that everyone in her homeroom got a carnation, some even 2 or 3, and she was the ONLY one who got nothing. None. Who does this? Why can’t the teacher read on the sheet who is getting one, have extras, and make sure no one leaves the room without one? Nope. So there my little girl sported around all day without a flower. She said she seriously could have cared less. Right. But alas, there is NOTHING I can do to right that wrong. Valentine’s Day is going to become one less rocking day to her, as well. Then my littlest boy comes to me and hands me 3 Valentine’s cards he received. 3. Not one of those homemade shoe boxes you used to make to hold the 20 that would come, but 3. He’s in the 5th grade, so you’re not asked to exchange them. In fact, they didn’t even send out a sheet with a list of names. And he didn’t want to give any–he’s a boy. And so it hit me. Hard. This is his last year in elementary school. The last time it will even be an option. (let me wipe the tears as I continue to write). My kids are growing up too fast. Way too fast. Said daughter will get her driver’s permit next month. Where does this leave me? I’ll tell you where. In a fetal position, crying my eyes out, surrounded by scrap books of all my little babies. Is this what empty nest feels like? Aren’t we supposed to be waiting until they fly out?        Nope.

I think I need to give serious thought to admitting I can’t live here anymore. For health reasons of not tolerating the cold, I must leave. I must find a place closer to the sun, with a dash of salt water, and lots of warm air. Like lots. It’s getting worse the older I become. Scratching ice off my windshield each morning, wearing layers like an onion, and practically sitting on a space heater at my desk is getting old. Way old. What happened to global warming? When is it happening? I can take a month of cold. Tops. After Christmas it needs to snap back to a cool spring of 6 months. Why can’t this be done? For crying out loud.

Oh yeah, I suffered through strep throat last week. Um, don’t ever want to do that again. Luckily no one caught it. I stayed in bed for 3 days. So unlike me. Even my bones were crying to stand up again. It was awful. This is what it felt like when I swallowed.No joke.

I’m gearing up for my book release, and writing my next book at the same time. It’s amazing how I can catch such a tailwind of writing, then sit down for a second and wonder, “where is this thing going?” And that my friend is the intercom calling for WRITER’S BLOCK. Never ask yourself where this is going. Just drive. The story will find its destination just fine. So, I’m off to not ask myself any questions, not ponder how my littles are growing up, and not thinking twice about adding another pair of socks or sweater to my already 2 layers. Peace out and have a great weekend!

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Ever Feel Existential?

I thought I was the only one that got these roaming thoughts. That was until my daughter came to me and said some of the funniest things I’ve ever heard. She’s just like me!! Things have her weirded out. Like her name, for example. She thought, ‘why do I come when someone says these 2 syllables?’ I rolled, laughing. She was dead serious when she asked me. At least I’m not the only ninny in the room. LOL  I think sometimes how this brain…this thing folded up piece of matter, like some type of science project I’ve left too long in the fridge, can remember numbers, how to drive with both my foot and hand respectively, think back to when I was five and how my mom’s house smelled when she cooked salmon cakes. Weird stuff like this. I believe Jim Carrey is going through this phase full time now.

Yes, it’s November. Again. And it will fly just like all the rest of the months of this year have flown by. It’s like I go to bed, rotate twice, and the alarm clock goes off again. Then Fridays whiz by, and Sundays keep me whining for more of a weekend to enjoy. And before I know it, all those Christmas projects I have in bags, waiting for me to sew or make for gifts, will get tossed back in the closet or thrown together in one weekend. Although, I must pat myself on the back for this one deed I’ve just done. I’ve bought like 3 presents already. This is truly amazing. Not sure why, but I did. Now not to hide it from myself and discover it at Easter when I’m searching for the candy I’ve hidden from my children. LOL

Drum roll please….my new book is near completion! That’s right, you read that correctly. I’m super thrilled. I get thrilled over all of them. It’s a lovely thing when you can pet, admire, and get jazzed about your own creativity. This one, I do hope, will not upset anyone. Ha, ha, ha. It’s messy, don’t get me wrong. It has to be messy. That’s what I do. If it’s not messy, it’s not true to life. But I don’t dangle anyone from a cliff, I don’t make you question the integrity of someone you love from page 5 thru 185, and I don’t…well, let’s see, I do a little. Oh, just trust me. I’m getting better at pleasing the masses. Want to know what it’s about? Okay, just a little hint.   Second chances. Everyone loves those, right? I do. But this is more than one second chance, it’s about three! Long story. (haha) So what if you’re getting over someone, or thought you were, and they try to reel you back in? What if while you were getting over them, you met someone who you thought might be the right someone? Just a theory.     Now to come up with a title for all that mumbo-jumbo. I used to love giving a work a title. Now it’s challenging.

Who could eat cereal for dinner? Me, too. Not easy when you have kids hounding you for something that fits more on a plate than a bowl. My husband wasn’t home for dinner tonight and I was like, ‘cereal, anyone?’ Yeah, it didn’t happen. I threw something sloppy together. I hope no one’s stomach is growling like mine. Maybe I’ll go and get those Lucky Charms now!

Here’s to everyone enjoying their week, not questioning the radicalness of answering to an audible sound made just for you (your name), and to me for choosing just the right title for this new book baby I will release in the winter. 🙂

 

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Hooked on a Book

I feel great! I feel driven! I have a new book set to release this summer! Yay! But here’s the thing….I’m hooked on it. Can’t put it down. Can’t stop re-reading it…editing it…thinking of different things to write in it. This is the way I become. It holds me captive. I’m in the zone. Weird, huh? If I’m not careful, the house will crumble around me. Which is how I realize some of us readers feel at times when we’re waist-deep inside a plot and not wanting to face the dreaded ‘what’s for dinner’, or ‘are you going to sleep tonight?’  Yeah, yeah, yeah. After one more chapter!! LOL

Second day of spring here! (As I’m sure it is everywhere). And it snows. All day. As in buries my freshly sprung daffodils, coats my cherry blossoms, and dashes my reality that it’s Wednesday. Because, well you can guess, all of my kids are home. And pulling and tugging me from working and writing on my new book!! Just got word school is closed tomorrow, too. Oh joy!

New book, you ask? What is it about, you ask? What name shall we refer to it? Hmm…well I am at a loss for the title. I’m sure it will come to me. There are so many variations. None of which any of my peeps like. I get the standard eye roll on all of them. Seriously, what do they know? They haven’t even read the thing. 🙂

So it’s about a guy and a girl. Interesting, yeah? Aren’t they all with guys and girls. Well this time said guy and said girl fall in love but never are supposed to. Sort of like Romeo and Juliet. Their houses are not meant to mingle. And so it moves swiftly along to other secrets that eventually see the light of day. It’s what I’m currently hooked on. I mean the laundry is piling up around here! I can’t find socks, washcloths, you name it. I did pull off dinner tonight, though. It pained me, but it got made and consumed. And I managed to bake a pound cake. It was my way of saying, ‘hey kids, I do exist.’

Well, happy weekday everyone! It sure feels like the weekend over here in my part of the world. We’ve got bored kids, the need for 3 meals a day, and lots of yelling for everyone to just get along. The roads will melt soon and all will be back to normal. I hope! Cheers. 🙂

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New Book, New Look

Were you tired of seeing Sarah on all the covers? Or rather her hands, her torso, or her covered head? Well this time it appears to be a cover of her happily ever after guy!! Yummy…who will it be? I’ve been so happy writing my final Sarah. It’s bittersweet, actually. Just like writing the final Amy. I was so sad to see her go. I’d gotten so accustomed to writing her I felt like I was losing a friend. Same with Sarah. But I find it okay because I send them out with the guy of their dreams…or do I? You know how fickle we are, right? I’ve been giving serious thought about Amy… What if….

Okay, okay… but anything could happen. Then this might happen!You know you wouldn’t mind! You never know…

So back to Sarah. She is ready to find love, for Pete’s sake! And she will in book 3. Finally. There’s a lot of possibilities, but there is one that sticks. And I can’t wait until you read which one! It’s on sale now on pre-order, and it releases January 4th. I’m super excited. I hope you are, too.

 

Warning: This book will have closure!

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Return to Pooh Corner

Does anyone remember this song? I was driving my son to school yesterday and it came on. I have no idea why, as I was listening to a playlist of Eddie Money, John Cougar, etc. Anyway here came Kenny Loggins singing about counting all the bees in the hive and chasing clouds away. It made me very nostalgic. I looked in the rearview mirror at my son and pondered the thought that he doesn’t even know he’s young. Well yeah, he knows what youth stops you from doing. You can’t drive a car, you can’t stay at home and not go to school, you can’t not eat healthy. But he has little clue as to what it affords you…being chauffeured, only worrying what assignments are due the next day, chasing the clouds if he really wanted to. Youth is definitely wasted on the young! What I wouldn’t have given to stay home and be concerned over nothing. No bills, no need for money, no what to make for dinner. It’s fleeting, but he won’t get that until 20 years down the road and a silly song comes on the radio to remind him. 🙂

Along with EVERYTHING else I’ve got juggling in mid-air, I’m onto my next fundraising craft. I don’t think I posted the fabric keychains, but they’ve been a huge hit. I’m almost sold out. I have another shipment of metal fasteners arriving to get more made. But in the meanwhile, I’ve begun a new project. Tissue holders for your bag. They are SUPER easy and fast. And so many possibilities with color schemes. They are a great stash buster, especially when you chain sew them. I’m working on another quilt, too. Did I even post pics of the other one? This one is smaller, and it’s cowboy theme. So cute. I’ll for sure post a picture when I’m finished.

Book 3 of Sarah is getting so good! I hate to tease, but it’s going to end with a bang! I have no ideas for a cover yet. So many choices. Sometimes I wish I’d gone with a couple on the others, but who would the guy be? Hmm…. I can’t help myself sometimes. Who would you want to see Sarah ride into the sunset with?

Hey, did you know it’s breast cancer awareness month? Isn’t it crazy how each month is something different? It also happens to be Down Syndrome awareness month, too. Along with getting my education tackled for this one, I’m thinking about immersing myself in Mandarin. Why not? I’ve got so much time on my hands, right?

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Feeling Thankful

I go to bed each night after checking how my books are doing. You know, just to feel connected in a small way to my readers. Anyway, each night for the past almost 2 weeks, my books have been read and bought several times that particular day. My rating stats have improved on goodreads and I am feeling blessed! It’s such a nice way to go to sleep, knowing people are sharing in my stories. Wow! It’s amazing.

Then I turn on the ol’boob-tube. Just for about 30 minutes. My husband hopes to be asleep by that time. You see, I have a new ritual of classic television. As I’ve been sewing for my fundraisers, I watch all the oldies. They’re like comfort food to my soul. Weird, I know. But they are so predictable, non-threatening, and I don’t have to lend but one ear.

 

And so on to news of the Indie Book Festival. Let’s see…where to begin? It was super hot. I got a burn on my right cheek, my right arm, and tops of both feet. There were almost no women’s fiction readers present. Although the guy next to my table was booming with his non-fiction account of the Vietnam war. Kudos to him! So all in all, it wasn’t a wonderful thing to behold. I did get tons of entries for a basket I was giving away of book booty!

Good news….a few books are swirling in my head. I enjoyed some Claire De Lune on my way to work this morning. It gave me a great backdrop for a plot I’m working on. And then of course came Dinah Washington. For some reason when I’m writing the Sarah Series, Dinah brings it out of me.

Well, I better go….time for some Hart to Hart!  Have a good day tomorrow, everyone.

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Time for a New Release!

NYE-1936It’s that time again! Book 2 of my Sarah series is hitting the internet waves. I couldn’t be more happy. All the readers who searched for the next page (at the end of the book 1) is finally vindicated. This one takes place five years later and Sarah is finally reaching some normalcy in her life. Time to take time for herself. After all her daughter is getting older, having more play dates than Sarah, and beginning to worry about her mother’s happiness. And just like that! Guys begin coming out of the woodwork…guys that make no sense, guys she shouldn’t have feelings for, and Sam!     I hope everyone who continues Sarah’s journey, likes it!

I’ve been doubling down on wearing my whites this week….it being Labor day very soon, and all. But isn’t that rule sort of changing? I’ve seen white being worn after September. What are they thinking?! 🙂

For those following my adoption journey, it’s going well. Slow and full of paperwork, but well. One thing for sure, everyone in my family has had a physical! I can’t tell you the last time I had a hearing test. Elementary school? And child proof locks? Yeah, after years of not worrying about that, we’ve got ’em. I’ve caught my hand on them a couple hundred times so far. I feel like Homer Simpson everyone time I pull on it and it catches. “Doh!”

My kids are back in school. I don’t love the early mornings, but I love the fact they’re being productive. How many hours can one play Minecraft and not get a paralyzed tush?

Well I’m off to piddle. I’ve got so much to do, but sometimes when you’ve got too much on your plate, all you can do is piddle in it all. If I piddle enough, maybe I’ll achieve something big!

Have a great one! And thanks for your support. 🙂