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Where Has All the Happiness Gone?

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter holiday. Mine was great. I cooked for everyone–as is the new tradition. I give my mother a much needed break from the muss and fuss. My turkey turned out like crap. And I even woke at the bloody crack of daylight to put it on–sautéing carrots, celery, and onion…gently thrusting some garlic and broth in for good measure. Thrusting? Really? All for it to taste like the rear end of something killed on the side of the road, after cooking for almost 7 hours. (not that I would know literally what that would taste like.) But there was a ham to fall back on. Thanks for bringing it, Barbie!

And then there was the panic of the dessert. The pound cake, upon reading the recipe the morning of, was discovered not to be the one I envisioned. Not really sure what the original vision was… So off to the store I went. And bought items for chocolate cream pies. Nope, never made one in my life. I’m just not a pie person. Luckily they turned out well. Made everyone forget about the lousy turkey!

Then there was the egg hunt. Ah, the traditional go-and-find-the-golden-egg hunt. Has anyone met my youngest son? The one who is certain the entire world is against him? Well needless to say, he wasn’t the one who found the golden egg. Instead it was the 13 year old cousin. In which he desperately hates now. And hates the inventor of said traditional egg hunt. And eggs…and easter baskets, and for all I know the air in which we breathe. My mother, of course, told him to come over to her, and she tucked a golden egg inside his hand. Just to inform anyone who isn’t at my home during the annual egg hunt–the golden egg has a $20 bill inside. And now my youngest is happy. Still not liking the cousin, because well, she cheated finding that egg, but he can go on and never spend that money now. That’s right…he finds a million things to want, but letting go of the dough is a whole other story.

So on to the title of my post. I was just visiting Facebook. Don’t do it, it’s a trap. You can get sucked in quite quickly. The next thing you know, it’s past your bedtime and now you know what everyone’s doing, done, or going to save as a recipe and never make in their life. But you know, they’re sharing it so it saves on their feed. Ok. Anyway, tonight I got so much more than that. I got a play-by-play of an elderly man getting gunned down on Easter day, a video of one of the innocent children dying from the chemical bomb Syria suffered a few weeks ago, and a baby girl left in a locked van while police knocked out a window to get to her. Ahhhhh……. where is all the happy? I’ll gladly take pictures of what Aunt Noreen’s dinner plate looked like tonight. No matter how disgusting that cabbage looked. And cousin Rita’s feet as she takes a crooked picture of her pool water. Enough with the reality. It’s too depressing. I had to scroll faster than ever tonight, just to get the images out of my mind.

Find your happy place, people! Stop polluting the airways with the horrors of reality. Show a shimmer of kindness. Show some little furry animal getting rescued, a baby trying peas for the first time, a flower growing from an abandoned old pot. Whatever. Just please stop posting the bad and ugly signs of our times. That was a bit unlike me, wasn’t it? So demanding. Maybe I’m just tired. Or my wrist is absolutely killing me. I think I have a pinched nerve. Yeah, blame my plea for happiness on the pinched nerve. What’s come over me with all my ranting?

Well, happy thoughts for now. I’m going to ice a wrist. Have a great week!

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#fCancer

tumblr_o6vs8ziyob1r8gyj4o1_400Last night before I went to sleep, I was on Facebook and read the most horrible news. My classmate from high school died the previous day from cancer. I was speechless. I lay there on my bed, phone in hand, completely and utterly without words. Without emotion. I think a lot of it had to do with reading a series of posts from him throughout the month of October how he was surviving the new findings of a tumor. He’d survived brain surgery this summer and he knew he had this licked, too. In fact, he made everyone feel very much at ease and confident this surgery would prove no different. He even posted the day he returned to work. It was a productive day, he reported. Then he posted a picture of his little boy sleeping on the bed and how happy he was to be his dad. For crying out loud, he even posted Tuesday. The day before he died. Everything was fine. What happened????? What happened in 24 hours? I wasn’t in his close circle, so I’m not sure what could’ve gone wrong and there’s no way to politely inquire. It was out of the blue. He was out of time. Why? Why did I feel as if someone had come into my bedroom and grabbed me by the scruff of my neck and forced me to sit on a chair and look around at my own mortality? People die every day. And quite honestly I hadn’t seen this guy in 20 years. I can only imagine it was striking me so tenderly for 2 reasons.

  1. Cancer is very real and very on the prowl. I find that sometimes I’m just waiting to get it. As though my number will come up soon. And how I’ll handle it. Where will mine strike exactly? Lungs…I don’t smoke, but neither did my grandfather who died a miserable death of lung cancer. Breast? I’m been checked yearly, but are the tests fool-proof? I certainly don’t want to be a worrier, and I’m not. It’s not like I truly sit around waiting, but it does enter my mind on occasion when I read about all the people suffering from it. Wondering how I’m eluding it. Is it because I occasionally eat broccoli? Don’t live next to power lines? Use deodorant without aluminum? Why exactly am I okay? Am I okay?
  2. This wasn’t news of a family member, or someone on the news I don’t personally know. This was someone my age…someone I went to school with…someone I knew with a child the same age as mine. And within a day of posting he was fine…he was gone. Completely and utterly gone. Weird. Scary.

I hate cancer.