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The Wedding Ring Conundrum

wedding-rings-on-black-handswedding-rings-and-hands-black-4iwwiixrI turned on the news this morning and was amazed, as usual, to hear what is making headlines. There seems to be a lot of talk about Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner still wearing their wedding rings. As if it’s anyone’s business or a big deal. Who cares if they’re wearing giant, one-eyed parrots on their shoulders? But, it made me ponder the whole wedding ring conundrum. Personally, I don’t wear mine very much. If there’s an occasion and I’m dressing up I will put it on, or I’ll wear it for a few weeks and then put it away for a month. It just depends on my mood. What annoys me is when other people think it’s disrespectful or trashy not to wear one when you’re married. My comeback to them is, does wearing the ring make me more married? Am I only married when I’m wearing it? I know guys who cheat while wearing their wedding ring, and women, for that matter. Is it against some law of married conduct not to wear a ring? Who made up such a conduct?

With the Ben and Jen crisis going on:) I thought I’d take a look at the origin of the infamous wedding rings. It seems they date back many centuries ago in Europe. You see, 3,000 years ago, in ancient Egypt, during the engagement period, the man and woman would each wear a ring, usually made of a reed. It was a symbol of eternity, signifying their never ending love for one another. When they married, the two rings were then joined by a braid and the woman fashioned it on her left ring finger, where they believed a vein was housed, leading directly to the heart. (I feel my heart swoon just imagining the romanticism of it all:))

That was the single ring ceremony; the double ring ceremony is used in the United States. And until the 20th century, only women wore them. Then came a push to have men wear the rings, as well. Perhaps another gimmick to sell more jewelry, or the fact that equality was being attempted. After the wedding, the rings are worn on the fourth finger to display the couple’s external love for one another. It has become tradition and etiquette to do so. My feeling, as expressed in an earlier post, is that I don’t need a ring to show someone my love and devotion. Therefore, you will not find a ring at all times on my finger. I find it crazy that the media and fans of Ben and Jen are so wrapped up about the sight of their rings in the midst of their divorce. Divorce specialists, whomever they are, note that the power couple are sending a message to the public and to their children that they are united in their desire to co-parent. And, they think wearing a ring is going to do this? Who cares what the world thinks? Furthermore, do they think the ring has magical powers? Perhaps if they took their vows to heart, none of the outwardly crap would matter. “Till death do us part,” right? I don’t need a ring to remind myself of who I married or the fact that I am married. My morality guides me, not a piece of metal.

On a separate note, I probably would totally wear the ring all the times, if it had been a braid of the two of ours in which we wore singularly as an engaged couple. Now that’s romantic. Bling is not.

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Cheaters

cheatersSo, what’s your take on cheaters? Harsh label, huh? I felt kind of judgmental just typing it. But, that’s what it is, right? Cheating.

I’m writing about cheating in my new book and I’ve got to tell you, the topic has cropped up in conversations more than once before  with my friends. One is a professed cheater. She knew it was wrong, but the situation presented itself, and she crossed the line of integrity…honesty, and morality. Which begs the question, is it situational or do you think it’s somewhat of a person’s makeup? Whether it be environmental or chemical. Like alcoholism. No matter what, the person can’t stay committed to one person. My other friend is like this; she’s a habitual cheater. It doesn’t concern her that she’s exclusive with someone, if another cuter guy walks into the room, she becomes single. Who could trust a person like this? Sadly, the guy never knows until it’s too late that she’s made up this way. And furthermore, is the cheater capable of changing? Capable of being reformed? Can they ever be trusted again? It’s not like we can do a scientific truth study. We can’t tag their ears and follow them like bears in the wild. And, who can trust what they say to be true?

In the book I’m writing, the girl has no trust issues with her cheater. She figures it was a one time thing and it won’t happen anymore. But, if you were the one who was cheated on, could you ever trust that person again? I don’t think I could. Even the one friend who it was situational, she’s done it once… what makes you think she wouldn’t again? And, what about everyone for that matter? Isn’t everyone capable of it? What separates someone from crossing the line? A vow? I suppose if the vow means what it should. Some people even think that if your thoughts veer toward someone else, it’s the same as cheating. Is anyone that pure not to have one solitary impure thought about someone other than their significant other?

I read a news story where the secretary was suing her employer for being fired. His response was that if she continued to work there it might jeopardize his fidelity to his wife. If I’m not mistaken, I think he won the suit. Crazy how truthful he was. I’m not sure how I’d feel as his spouse. Hmm…he was attracted enough to fire the lady? Does that mean he’s less attracted to me? Of course that’s what I’d think. Not, bravo for clearing that explosive possibility. What a slippery slope!

My boyfriend’s point of view is that you choose to cheat. Well, sure, that’s true enough. But, isn’t there sometimes an element of accident in it, too? I’m certainly not condoning the accidental theory, just presenting it as a viewpoint.

Any thoughts?

cheater