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77%

Couple_bored_2475394kI was listening to the radio the other day at work, and they were talking about a poll done on couples. They said that 77% of women think a guy knows exactly what’s wrong when they’re quiet and say that nothing’s wrong. Or something to that effect. I laughed out loud at the guy announcer. He was shocked. Really? I’m certainly one of those 77. I believe that when I’m quiet, my boyfriend knows very well what’s wrong. He’d have to. I’m not a mystery. He knows me well enough. There’s context clues out there in the big, bad world. Or, do they just want to feign like they don’t know, just to get out of talking about it? That’s fine with me; I don’t want to talk about it either…but know I’m not happy…and you know why!

Then I told this poll’s results to another guy. You know, that I know full well that my guy knows what my problem is when I’m quiet. And HE was shocked! Are you serious? Are guys really that unaware? Don’t you think that after you say you’re going out on Saturday with the guys and I get quiet, there’s a correlation? Seriously?

On a separate, but related subject…

I thought it was funny… my daughter got into the car today after school and said two of her friends returned from being suspended. Oh my gosh! “What were they suspended for?” I asked. She said one choked a guy and the other unrelated event, was another girl hitting a guy for saying something about her friend (his ex-girlfriend). I know, I know. I have 4 boys; I’d be pretty ticked if a girl choked or hit my son, but being a girl made me chuckle. Those girls were trying to get through to those guys. Wrong way to do it, of course. But, I don’t think that generation sounds too much like the quiet type. Those guys should have no problem with percentages of trying to figure out a girl. I don’t think they’ll give them the chance!

 

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Think Like A Man

chanDo you know how difficult it is to think like a man? I’ve had quite a time of it this weekend! I’m working on a new book…well actually reviving one I wrote a few years ago. It’s too good to leave on the shelf of my desk. I hear it calling out to me. “Julie, Julie, remember me? Solve my problems.” I digress… So I’m writing it from the perspective of a guy. Unusual, huh? Considering I’m not one. And my boyfriend is of little help. He’s not the typical kind you’d find wandering in the pages of a book. In fact he’s somewhat of an original.

I’m a girl, right? I talk about things to my girlfriends. Evidently the only things guys talk about are sports, their jobs, and their cars. Don’t they ever talk about their relationships? To one another? No in fact. My boyfriend has enlightened me that when guys go out it’s to get away from all that stuff. (not him, of course:) But other guys. And they certainly don’t talk about problems, i.e. having to sleep in the spare room. Well who do they talk to then? I’m certain everyone needs someone to divulge to… to get help from? Are guys simply floating islands, never connecting with anyone… to get it off their chests? No wonder they die of heart attacks. They have a lot stuff stored up.

Is it a weakness, I asked? Will the other guys think the one having problems isn’t man enough? My boyfriend assures me it’s in the guy’s best interest not to mention such things and take care of it on their own. How horrible. Not that I go and spill all that’s going on with my personal relationship, but I do have one very close friend that I would. Silly me, I assumed everyone had someone.

It certainly doesn’t help the guy in my story. He’s more disturbed than I thought! Does that mean that a close girl/friend couldn’t be confided in about marriage problems? Hmmm… I’ll have to ask. It’s so weird tracking down the answers. And it’s kind of across the board, I’m finding. Like a universal language. Guys are definitely a different breed than girls. And writing from a guy’s head is going to prove my biggest challenge yet. I might need a couple of men on speed dial throughout this thing to ask questions!

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Breaking Up

wpid-000031061When it comes to breaking up with someone, isn’t it really just one reason why to do it? Love no longer sustains you. Do you remember the first few weeks of a budding relationship? You could live on what the feeling of love afforded you, alone. Eating and sleeping paled in comparison to the quench of what ol’Cupid shot you in the butt with. The late night phone calls that last for hours, the flowers, text messages the moment you woke up, wishing you a good day? Flutters in your stomach when they came into the room. Why there was so much romanticism about love in your head, you could almost see tiny pink hearts circle around you like a cartoon image.

Then it either continues coming stronger, with speeds of a runaway train; or it starts to slip away, like a thief in the night. Relationships can be pushed off the cliff for many reasons, but the simple fact is that the love is not enough. For one person or both. Sure, we can disguise it in the details of moving away, going in different directions, not compatible, but really? You just don’t love the person enough anymore to keep it going.

I am working on revisions for my new book, THE TRUTH ABOUT ELISE. It’s about a girl with commitment issues. The first part of the book Elise is trying to break up with her perfect boyfriend, Darren. For whatever reason, she does not feel like love outweighs the risk involved with staying with him. She fears one day he’ll leave her. Elise loves him, but it’s not enough to kill the fear.

Someone in my family is going through a breakup now. The couple has been together for two years. The guy is the initiator; the killer of all love and hope. The girl is dumbfounded over the breakup. What happened? Well, yes, the guy temporarily is living somewhere else for the summer, but if he loved her….I mean reallyyyy loved her, wouldn’t he move mountains to stay together? The ugly truth of the matter is, he’s putting himself and his needs before her. He doesn’t love her more than his dreams of moving on. She doesn’t know this now, of course, but she’s being spared worse hurt if they stayed together longer. The breakup eventually would come. Poor girl.

My debut book, WAKING AMY, discusses divorce. Anyone walk down the aisle at their wedding  thinking to themselves that one day they’ll be looking across a table with the guy standing in the tux, figuring out who gets the sofa and who gets the poodle? But, it’s so easy to now just call your attorney and get the papers drawn up. If it’s so easy to do that, were you ever really that invested? Investment, to me, means giving a lot of yourself. Giving unconditionally. Giving things that sometimes hurts to give; sacrificing to make the other person happy. Does anyone fight to stay together anymore? Was is ever really love in the first place? Or maybe just a figment.

breaking-up-men-vs-women

 

 

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Writing Pieces Of Me

henriette-browne-young-girl-writing-at-her-desk-with-birdsI’ve been thinking lately about how much I write myself into my stories. I had one person comment that all writers write about themselves. As if it was more of a self indulgent feather in the cap to the writer, rather than a genuine observation made by himself. I quickly denied the notion, believing that I fully make believe every word I write down. But, the truth of the matter is, I AM writing pieces of myself. Not for the purpose of feathers, but because it comes natural.

I noticed yesterday when I posted about how easy it was to write my book dealing with the girl with commitment issues that I had more instances that I’ve infused myself into the storylines. Things that are totally me. Nothing major, but little trickles of what I like to eat, what I wear, what I don’t like to see. It’s almost a game of “Where’s Waldo?”, but instead, “Where’s Julie?”  I can recollect which book I write about things that concern the real me. It’s sort of fun:)

I was driving somewhere today and noticed all the daffodils blooming alongside the road and it brought a smile to my face. Daffodils are one of my favorite flowers. They are the first sign that spring is on the way. My mother always decorates my birthday cake with the yellow spring flowers. So, when I was writing my YA novel about a young girl who’d just lost her grandmother to a heart attack, she turned to her boyfriend and told him to always remember to have daffodils put on her birthday cake.

My debut novel, “Waking Amy”, is about a girl who always dresses “comfortable”. That’s code word for boring. That’s also how my best friend describes my preference of dress. So, it was easy to describe her wardrobe:) But, Amy spends her time trying to modify herself in order to improve her marriage. (Not a similarity in my life:) At least I hope my beau doesn’t find my attire divorce-worthy. Hmm… I’ll have to check into a few new spring dresses!

Anyway, it’s interesting to go back and find the similarities that I write into my characters that are, in fact, pieces of me. I never really noticed it before. They say, “write what you know.” I suppose that’s just what I was doing!