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Homesick in Autumn

homesickI’m getting ready to watch the final presidential debate and wanted to squeeze in a post. A slight tangent if I may?…Is this the complete best we could find in America to lead our country? Tangent complete. Now on to my post. Thank you for indulging.

I might have blogged about this before. If so, my apologies. It’s just that it’s the first thing that overwhelms me when the cooler weather sweeps in, and the change of leaves begin to occur. I get homesick. But for what? I try to identify my surge of displacement….my longing to be somewhere else, in a different time. I’ve come to feel that summer is so busy with plans and hot weather, I have no time to reflect. Then as things begin to wrap up…as I begin to clear the flowerbeds of tired blooms, and hear the last obscenities of the crickets that refuse to give up and burrow down…my mind is free to wander. And it always seems to wander to the past. To times of joy. Which ultimately makes me feel an aching sorrow for something so out of reach. When people that no longer grace this earth was around me. When times were simpler, and the only problem I knew was running out of daylight before I finished playing. This is what I’m homesick for. For something which has no cure. For a time that will never again exist. And as I continue to live day by day, new memories are manufactured for future autumns of being homesick.

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September

septWhen school starts everyone’s usually given up on summer. No more carefree nights where waking up early is of no concern. No more late television watching; everyone has to be in bed and only after hours of homework has been completed. And everyone feels older … older than on the day their birthday is celebrated. Because they’re now second graders, sophomores, or seniors. It’s a big deal in their world. Another rung on the ladder reached!

I suppose September could also be viewed as the beginning of autumn, although today the temperatures soared in the 90’s around my parts. Stifling hot. No air molecules moving, no moisture releasing from clouds … just hot. My car is a dust wagon. The driveway is parched and the gravels are ricocheting off the hard ground as we drive up and down it. No signs of autumn here. But when it does come … autumn that is, it will depress me. All the loud bug talk in the yard. It’ll somehow sound lonelier than the summer bug talk. I suppose because the crickets will have moved back in. And there won’t be any lightning bugs to watch spark the dark blue night. Leaves will begin turning the most magnificent colors right before falling to the earth and becoming crunchy and raked. Little arms and legs will get covered with jeans and jackets and cool breezes will send a chilly warning to stay indoors. I don’t know why, but I always become homesick in the fall. Homesick for my childhood days.