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Hurtful, Nasty Reminders

reminderReminders are usually for our benefit, right? Like when your gas light comes on it means, get gas. For me, it signals I’ve got 100 more miles to go. I am famous for pushing it to the last fume to get me to the pumps. One day I will regret passing the ten stations to find the one with five cents cheaper per gallon. (I know, it isn’t that much, but still). Or the reminder that your car insurance is getting taken out automatically from your account tomorrow. Which signals me to go by the bank and put it in! But there are a few reminders that one does not need. i.e….

Yesterday I received a card in the mail from the veterinarian. It had a heartfelt note in it of condolences for my dog that passed away a couple weeks ago. Yes, I was finally getting to the point where I didn’t break down once a day. Like when I go and look for his bed, or check outside to see if he’s lying in the sun. It’s finally becoming bearable. Not forgettable, by any stretch, but doable. And then the card. Which I opened while driving the kids up the driveway. And there it was…they sent Walter’s paw print along with the written sentiment. OMG. Why? Why now? I shoved it back in the envelope and took a deep breath. I’m still thinking about it.

Here’s another example of a hurtful reminder: When the lovely people behind Facebook send you a memory of your cheating husband as he kisses you on the cheek. Ah yes, that was just six months ago…before my friend’s rat turd husband cheated on her. And there she gets a reminder of better times. Or when you get a snap shot of your family member who passed away, and you’re not quite over that one, either.

Reminders….not always a good thing. 😦

On a happy note, because I need to always leave on one…I’m back to writing my new book. I’m feeling pretty good about it, too. Who wouldn’t like to imagine Kevin Costner all day? And be able to have him say the sweetest things to your heroine…which you imagine is yourself? LOL!! I’m down with it! 🙂

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Random Thoughts

motivationI feel as though someone has taken the cord from my motivational outlet and done away with it. And I don’t much care. Have you ever had a day such as this? Yeah, I got my work done at work. Money was counted, disbursed to the correct accounts, and emails were appropriately dealt with, but now that I’ve returned home…I’ve got nothing else to give. Nothing. Then you have this dark thing going on outside, happening early than usual. Like it’s dark at 5:30 now. I used to like this when I was younger, but now it’s as though the day has come to a close and I wait for sleep. But, no….I’ve still got 4 to 5 hours of time left to be productive. Yet I can’t. Because it’s dark!

I didn’t blog about it, but my beloved Walter died last week. Almost to the day. Walter was our family dog. A beautiful Weimaraner with gray eyes and grand stature. I picked him out of a litter of girls. He was about 5 months old…the same age as my daughter at the time. He was wearing purple nail polish on one of his nails, in order to tell him apart from the others. I was drawn to him the very moment I saw him and named him on the way home. Home…that’s when the fun began. Within a couple months, his head swelled twice the size it should be. After we got medication for this, he went lame. We stuck this out a few weeks, until he spontaneously walked again, and eventually fell into the river from the pier…in the dead of winter. What a fiasco it was with Walter. But slowly he got better, and drier, and the rest of his life was bliss. Until last summer when he was slow to walk, again. There was something going on with his legs and it only became worse. In the end, I had to walk him outside holding him up with a towel wrapped around his torso. His back legs didn’t work anymore. It was very sad. I watched as his beautiful ghost eyes told me he was too tired to move anymore. So my husband took him to the hospital and left him there. I watched as they took him on a stretcher from the back of his van. I watched from a safe distance in my car, far away, and bawled my eyes out. That morning I told him my good-byes and wept in front of him. He knew. And it was time. 13.5 years wasn’t long enough. 😦

Who is sick of politics, raise their hand!! I will be so happy when it’s over. People will Facebook others, encouraging them to vote. But what they really mean is to vote for who they want to win. If not, keep your sorry butt from going to the polls. I mean, really. And I’m super sick of all the stupidity out there. Of course whoever isn’t voting for your person, you automatically think they’re ignorant. It’s the most bizarre presidential election I’ve ever been witness to. Crazy!

I almost bought another plant this weekend. Poor thing was on the distressed rack for cheap. And it wasn’t half bad. I put it in my buggy, picked out a pot, and rode that thing around for awhile. Then I drove it back to the distressed rack and put it back. I don’t need another house plant, I declared to myself. I can’t keep up with the ones I’ve got. They drive me crazy. When did I fertilize last? Why is that one looking yellow? I’ve got enough to deal with. Oh yeah…I did buy a little one. I selectively forgot about that one. My kids made fun of it when I put it in the drink holder. Poor little guy was a dollar. It doesn’t like light, but drinks a lot. Kind of like my daughter! (I always get after her for not putting open her window shades and refilling the water pitcher).

As I finish my post, I still don’t feel any motivation reaching out to me. I look around at all that I could get done….and nothing. Maybe tomorrow. 🙂