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Ever Feel Existential?

I thought I was the only one that got these roaming thoughts. That was until my daughter came to me and said some of the funniest things I’ve ever heard. She’s just like me!! Things have her weirded out. Like her name, for example. She thought, ‘why do I come when someone says these 2 syllables?’ I rolled, laughing. She was dead serious when she asked me. At least I’m not the only ninny in the room. LOL  I think sometimes how this brain…this thing folded up piece of matter, like some type of science project I’ve left too long in the fridge, can remember numbers, how to drive with both my foot and hand respectively, think back to when I was five and how my mom’s house smelled when she cooked salmon cakes. Weird stuff like this. I believe Jim Carrey is going through this phase full time now.

Yes, it’s November. Again. And it will fly just like all the rest of the months of this year have flown by. It’s like I go to bed, rotate twice, and the alarm clock goes off again. Then Fridays whiz by, and Sundays keep me whining for more of a weekend to enjoy. And before I know it, all those Christmas projects I have in bags, waiting for me to sew or make for gifts, will get tossed back in the closet or thrown together in one weekend. Although, I must pat myself on the back for this one deed I’ve just done. I’ve bought like 3 presents already. This is truly amazing. Not sure why, but I did. Now not to hide it from myself and discover it at Easter when I’m searching for the candy I’ve hidden from my children. LOL

Drum roll please….my new book is near completion! That’s right, you read that correctly. I’m super thrilled. I get thrilled over all of them. It’s a lovely thing when you can pet, admire, and get jazzed about your own creativity. This one, I do hope, will not upset anyone. Ha, ha, ha. It’s messy, don’t get me wrong. It has to be messy. That’s what I do. If it’s not messy, it’s not true to life. But I don’t dangle anyone from a cliff, I don’t make you question the integrity of someone you love from page 5 thru 185, and I don’t…well, let’s see, I do a little. Oh, just trust me. I’m getting better at pleasing the masses. Want to know what it’s about? Okay, just a little hint.   Second chances. Everyone loves those, right? I do. But this is more than one second chance, it’s about three! Long story. (haha) So what if you’re getting over someone, or thought you were, and they try to reel you back in? What if while you were getting over them, you met someone who you thought might be the right someone? Just a theory.     Now to come up with a title for all that mumbo-jumbo. I used to love giving a work a title. Now it’s challenging.

Who could eat cereal for dinner? Me, too. Not easy when you have kids hounding you for something that fits more on a plate than a bowl. My husband wasn’t home for dinner tonight and I was like, ‘cereal, anyone?’ Yeah, it didn’t happen. I threw something sloppy together. I hope no one’s stomach is growling like mine. Maybe I’ll go and get those Lucky Charms now!

Here’s to everyone enjoying their week, not questioning the radicalness of answering to an audible sound made just for you (your name), and to me for choosing just the right title for this new book baby I will release in the winter. 🙂

 

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Shut the Front Door!

I bought “Pretty Woman” the anniversary DVD and guess what? There are scenes not seen in the one they play on television!! Or were they in the movie theater edition? Who knows. All I know is that when I was watching it and writing out bills, there was a moment or three that something was on the screen that I had never seen before. I loved it! It was like getting more of something that’s already wonderful. And who doesn’t love Pretty Woman? Who didn’t imagine an Edward would come into their life and whisk them off their feet with credit cards and paid living expenses. Oh, and be crazy good looking to boot? Yeah, no matter how old you can still imagine. 🙂

So one of my fish died the other night. I’m not sure if it was Clementine or Tangerine. They both confused me after a few days in the tank. I hate not knowing what killed the guy off. He was looking fat there for a few days. Which would not coincide with the thought I forgot to feed them a few times. Hmm… depressing. I asked my husband to dispose of the body. 😦

It got colder where I live. Which is wonderful for my car that doesn’t have air conditioning. But kind of sucky for mornings. Not that I’m a morning fan, but who wants to get out of bed to cold? Personally I like summer. I’ll take the heat. I used to be crazy about fall. It was my favorite. Then it got too sad. I get sentimental when the leaves change now. And right down depressed when winter hits. Give me the spring!! Then summer. A few days of fall, but absolutely no winter.

Time to think about Christmas. Now there’s a holiday to love. All the decorations, good will, trees, and Hallmark movies!!!! The kids hate when I decorate in November. Yeah, they don’t have to worry about lugging out all the stuff. Just a couple more weeks…okay like four, but they’ll be here before we know it!

Have a good rest of the week!

 

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Degrees of Lies

Do you believe there are degrees of lies? I do. Now I know what you might be thinking, a lie is a lie. No matter how you slice it, it’s an untruth. Yes, but what is the intent? What is the degree? We all lie. It’s the truth! We all lie. I feel like there’s a lie-ometer in everyone. Some reach high levels, some only move a millimeter, but we do it. I do it when I’m checking out at the grocery store and the girl asks politely how my day has been. It could be going awful, but I politely smile and say, ‘good’. Who wants to hear how bad my day has been? She’s just passing time and doing what she was taught in training. She doesn’t care. No big deal, no harm. And then there’s the lie of when someone comes to you with something they made and wants you to try it. Your stomach gut punches you as you grin and say, ‘it’s good. I like it.’ Again, we’re being polite with our white lie. The intent is to save someone’s feelings.

Then you get into the sticky, murky lies. The ones that buy you time. The ones that won’t cause harm, they just get you out of jail for a brief second until you rectify whatever it is you’re lying about. Like, ‘do you have that report finished?’ You almost do, and to say you don’t would create much more grief than if you say yes and run to your car for ‘gum’ and whip out the last few pages. That saves everyone. Yes, it’s a lie, but it’s correctable. No one is harmed and time is saved.

Then there’s the lie by omission. Now this is a very gray lie to me. Sometimes it’s a hard case to prove. To the liar, it’s not a lie. To the person being told, or not told in this case, it’s a lie through and through. Hmm…but would it hold up in court? This is where intent comes in. Yes, we’re omitting it to save time and feelings, but it would hurt if it were told. And that’s where the sting comes in. Brought to light it would most certainly hurt. If someone saw their ex-girlfriend/boyfriend for lunch and didn’t tell their significant other, or went to lunch with someone of the opposite sex whom they liked, and withheld that fact, is it a lie? See, now I’d have to say it wasn’t. It’s just sneaky. Sneaks are as dangerous as liars, so it compares in degrees.

Lastly is the bold faced liar. This is the one you can never trust, yet know for exactly who they are. This is the creep who has lunch with the ex and looks you in the eye and says they didn’t. NEVER trust this person. Are they redeemable? Who knows. Who knows if they are capable of telling the truth? Once you lie to someone’s face and realize how easy it is and how infrequent they get caught it can become an addiction. Like gambling, I suppose. Life becomes much easier to just lie. But keep this little gem in the back of your lying mind….lies are always brought to light. Always. And lies are very difficult to keep track of. The truth is much easier in the long run. Much easier. It can be as addictive. But be careful, the truth hurts. Oy!!

Enough about lies. It was a discussion I had this weekend with a friend who found out her boyfriend had lunch with an ex and did not disclose it. She was calling him a liar and I had to say it wasn’t a lie, just not full disclosure. Hmm…. what say you?

 

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My idea of fun…

As I pulled the covers back to get into bed tonight, I saw my bag of candied licorice, or as I’d like to look at it with beams of glow and call it, my little pieces of heaven. Ha-ha! It must not take much to please me, you might be thinking. No and yes. Remember what it was like when we were little? Yeah, I have a hard time, too. But do you ever think back to sliding boards? The thrill of slipping down and almost gliding off the whole thing into the worn ground below it? With the thought of a bruised back from the end of it? I just went down one with my daughter and trust me, not the same feeling. Maybe because I bumped down more  than slid? Had a child between my legs? It was probably all the above. Put into the equation that when we did it a lot younger, we allowed ourselves to feel the thrill…we lived in the moment. Heck, it probably was because we were a lot smaller and able to fly down the thing. But what we weren’t doing was asking ourselves what we were going to cook for dinner, did the kids have clean clothes to wear the next day…these thoughts weren’t plaguing us. So when was the last time you had fun? Me, you ask? Today around noon. I snuck into my room, got back into bed with my new bag of candy, ate it until I got sick, then fell asleep for 30 glorious minutes. Thirty, I say!! And I didn’t have to worry about a kid, worry about being late, worry about anything. Of course my kids began to wonder about my whereabouts and came in search. Nothing like seeing your mother in bed during the day, huh? “Are you sick” they asked. Nope. Just living the dream! LOL

We need to do more things that make us happy. Find things to make us happy. Life is short. We hear that all the time. But indeed it is. You never know when your number is up. Go to bed with a bag of candy, open a book or watch that movie. Just for the fun of it. Make it happen. Put someone in charge of the children first, of course. Then just savor the feeling. It’s over in a flash, but it sure feels good while it lasts. And do it frequently. I told my overworked son this weekend not to sweat the small stuff. He said he was young, it’s all the big stuff! And I guess to him it is. He hasn’t seen the rapidness of life moving quickly by. But it does.

It’s blasted hot here. I could use some cooler weather. But not too cool. I enjoy no layers right now. My poor flowers are gasping for water. And outrunning the hot weather with no air condition in my car is becoming a pipe dream. I thought I’d put off the thousand dollar repair with autumn on my heels. Not so. I’m still sweating like a pig from my driveway to my destination. Turn the sun down, someone!

Tomorrow is the beginning of the week. I shall choose to make it a good one. No matter what. And if the going gets tough, I’ve got candy!

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Ho-Hum

I feel like someone unplugged me when September happened. Summer only increased its temperature, school kept going on with afternoon activities, and work got pushed to ‘never a good day’ to go. Did the earth shift? What’s going on? This is the month I typically mellow out, not shut down. I guess if I really look into it I can see the break down. Sleep has become my ‘must do’ and not my ‘get to’. I feel like a toddler being told to go take a nap. “But I’m not done with things I want to do.” This is not to be confused with things I have to do. Now to the temperature. Normally school starts and the cool weather sets in. Ah-ha, you’d be wrong. It’s still a piping 95 degrees in this neck of the woods. And when your car stops compressing the cold air, this fact sucks. I’m dripping when I stop the car to get out to go anywhere. Not to mention my new passenger. Which is my next possibility of the energy deletion. Who knew having a five year old again would be so exhausting? Especially one that doesn’t speak a lick of English and has zero clue of when I say ‘don’t do that’, and instead she does it with gusto. Who knew?

Don’t get me started on the afternoon activities. I lucked out…drew the great straw…none of my kids really wanted to ever do extracurricular activities. Nor did I when I was growing up. Just ring that dismissal bell and let me get the bleep out of there! But no, my lovely daughter has taken up acting. And this requires hours of waiting to go and get her. No, not at a normal time…at dinner time! When I live over an hour round trip from the school. Joy to the world. It’s okay, really. A month and a half more and we get a month break until he next play.

I’m hanging in there. Trying to get used to the new normal. Writing at weird times, singing too many nursery rhymes, and making too many noodles. Still I’m joyful and humble to be able to have a new normal. We choose happy, we choose joy, and I’m tickled by the small things. Um, like the Hallmark movie Christmas lineup being released next week. Not that I’ll see it. I just know it’s coming up. Right after Halloween. And just typing that word makes me smile. I’ve already put out the pumpkins and await the hundreds of dollars I’ll spend on little cute candy bars for my bowl in the kitchen. It’s funny finding the wrappers underneath beds and stuck in the dryer thingy. 🙂

Have a wonderful week, everyone. I’m going to drink an energy drink and look alive!!!

 

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Hair Wars

Raise your hand if you like your hair. Okay, I’m surprised by that number. I love that I have hair, don’t get me wrong. But why did it have to be so thin…so lifeless…so straight, yet not. There is a bit of a wave, but not much. I bought curls from the time I was in middle school through high school when it wasn’t cool anymore. Then I just woke up every morning and took 15 minutes to use the iron. Only to have it die after two hours in the elements outside of my bathroom walls.

When I found out I was having a little girl…finally, (I have 4 boys) all I wanted was for her to have thick hair. Well, I wanted more than that, but this was tall on my list. And wouldn’t you know, my prayer got answered. That girl has hair that could never be accused of as flat and uneventful. It was so kinky, curly when she was little that it sprung to her ear lobes dry and stretched down to her waist when wet. Why couldn’t I get some of that? No, seriously.

This post was just another random thought of mine after seeing a picture of a woman with incredible hair. But I’d like to ask her, “Do you like your hair?” She most likely would have something negative to say about it. Tis life.

I’m off to throw some dye on my thin locks and wait patiently for the appointment to get it shaped up on Wednesday. I love that I have hair. 🙂

That is all.

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Full Price?

Today I needed some much needed retail therapy. Anyone empathize out there? I just needed to look at things…touch them…put a few in my cart and drag them around until I emptied half before making it to the cashier. Cause that’s how I roll. Either that or I take the plunge, buy it, take it home, only to talk myself out of it and return it next week. Why oh why am I programmed this way, I ask. Anyway, I see this picture. Art always gets to me. My mother preached to me that if you see a picture you can’t live without, get it. No questions asked. You’ll never see it again. And yes, I had to have this happen once before I stopped walking past something I didn’t want to live without. Luckily I can’t remember what the picture was, but I remember what it felt like to lose it. I digress. There was this picture today. I touched it, oohed and ahhed and walked past it. There was only one. I did two laps around the store and ended back to the picture. Placing it in the cart, I took a step and then put it back. Ahhh….I grabbed it back. What? Full price? Seriously? I looked for a sign for the discount. This place is known for 40% off. Not today. I steadily walked in the direction of the cash register, all the while thinking how I would either walk it back or return it after getting home and realizing it’s not really that adorable. Then I see the chick in front of me with her little phone and the discount scan code. Hey, I can do that! I fumble quickly to look one up. Bingo! 40% it is. And suddenly I don’t feel 100% horrible; only 60%!! I walked out smiling. And that’s the way it’s done. Retail me not!

But doesn’t it get old? I mean always fighting for the discount? Why can’t they just offer it for the drop-dead best price? Why do I have to search and scratch tickets just to get a buck off? Do I have to belong to a million clubs, carry a wallet designated for member cards? Just give me the best price. For the love of all things on sale. Please. 

I’m handling the college thing okay. Actually my daughter left for a few days this week to go on a retreat. Oh. my. gosh. This house is so uneventful. Three kids? Are you kidding? I went to make dinner and had so many leftovers I had to feed the dog twice. In the same hour. I went from buying books to cooking for two, to traveling weekly to Costco for milk and eggs. How does one go back to cooking on the light side? And the guys who left were the least picky. How many times can one eat tacos and cheesesticks with peanut butter crackers? Will broccoli ever been seen in the produce drawer of the fridge? Will any vegetables ever hang out there? I need to be de-programmed or something.

I’m not sure what temperature it is where you live…but it was like 180 degrees here. Oh yeah, that was just in my car. My broken-air conditioned car. I stared around me at each and every stoplight. Everyone with their windows up and their hair blowing from the cool breeze. As I sit there with the heat rising off my skin like sound waves. “Yeah, I love the heat!”. I wondered why my arm was burned the other night when I got out of the shower. The left one. Not the right one. Heavens no. And the white watch mark sealed the deal. That girl has no a/c. I’m still hoping for a cold snap. LOL

Have a good one, everyone. Stay cool. For me. 🙂

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Worst Party Ever

Yep, the other guy of the house jumped from the nest yesterday. He asks as he leaves me at the side of my car to return home, “does it get any easier?” Uh, no. Well, actually a little. I mean that first time I had to leave him was horrible. It was way worse than that horrid first day at preschool. He screamed so loud, I could hear him from the parking lot. No, this was leaving him in a strange place, 2 hours away from my house. Three years later, it has gotten a smidge easier. It doesn’t clobber me until I get home. And hear the silence, see the empty rooms of where my first little boys have slept for years. One left his bedroom neat; one looks like he left in a hurry and then a robber came in and tossed the furniture and pulled out all the drawers. I love their differences.

So why do we love pity parties? They are the worst. Change is hard. It sometimes has grief woven through it. A few of my kids have come to me and said their legs hurt so bad, they couldn’t sleep. Within a few months, they’ve shot up two inches. Change is painful. It comes with markers–the empty house, the lower electric bills, less food to prepare, lighter laundry baskets. Change is good. At least for some in the equation. For me, I move on in this house with less people that I enjoy their company so much. For them, they flex their wings, step into another world where they call the shots (hopefully the good ones), and experience things needed to prepare them for the next big change.

I’ll survive. I’ll be okay. It’s the sting of the day after that I get most sad. Alas, there are a few others in the nest I have to tend to. For now. When the day comes that my nest is empty….who knows what kind of party that’s going to look like. 🙂

 

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Time moves on

Long time no blog, huh? I’ve been a bit busy. I got back from China! That was huge. I gained a wonderful little being. That was humongous. Now my nest is getting ready to be scattered, again. Drats, that college!

China was busy. And scary. I’d say 1% spoke broken English. That is if you could find her/him. We were on our own most of the time (2 weeks). Which made eating almost impossible. Menus were mostly in Chinese, and we are not the gambling type, seeing that chicken feet were a favorite by many and squid flavored potato chips were at every convenience store. My husband lost 10 pounds and I lost about 6. I lived on Coke and the doughnut and fried egg they gave me each morning. Oh, and Coke at lunch and dinner. Hence only the 6 pounds lost. You are told NOT to drink the water. Brush your teeth with bottled water and not to eat the vegetables. Hmmm….that left watermelon and rice with noodles. I don’t want to see another speck of rice for quite some time.

Our newest family member is amazing. Upon our first meeting, she clung to me and hasn’t changed her mind that I’ll do as her new momma. What a brave little girl. She left all she knows, a language she understood, all-you-can eat rice and noodles, and came to America with a strange woman and her husband to try her tastebuds on mashed potatoes and applesauce. Both of which she despises. Sigh. So I make her rice and noodles anytime she wants. She truly inspires me with how quickly she is adapting. 🙂

My two…yes, two boys leave for college next week. *sniff, sniff* I know they need to go, need to spread their wings. However, I’ll be left to look at their empty rooms and remember all the nonsense and shenanigans they pulled during our time together. Stop me now!! I don’t think I can go and make the exit scene at the dorm rooms, again. I might be busy that day they have to go. LOL

On a more exciting topic…I am about to release my next book. I. AM. So. Excited!! I just read the latest review for it. I get such a high off of reading what someone thinks of my books. Provided they are justifiable. I can’t say too much for the trolls out there. Everybody has a pooper, right? Anyway, so my next book comes out August 23rd! Eep. It’s a summer fling-type one. I got it in right under the ‘summer’ wire. I do hope everyone who reads it likes it. As with all my books, I fall in love with each of the characters. It’s so difficult to choose which I like best.

Well, I’m off to get that last minute school shopping done. Everyone has that one kid, right? The one that constantly reminds me they have nothing on their supply list and school starts Monday. Yeah, yeah. I have three days, don’t I? Oh, how I hate the supply aisles at Wal-Mart and Target. It’s worse than a BOGO at the shoe store. People grabbing glue sticks like Elmer’s is going on strike. And binders that cost a fraction of my car payment lining the shelves. Come on! It’s a binder, people. Three rings. Why is it like ten bucks? And why does every teacher in the free world need two for their class? Don’t get me started on backpacks. Yes, my oldest son has reminded me that he’s had the same one for the past five years. What can I say? That thing has kept its shape and still zips. Well, kind of. I’ll get him a new one. But have you seen the prices? Forty dollars? And that’s a cheap one. Seriously? Times that by like six. It takes a bite out of the old wallet.

Enough of my school supply rant. I mean, is my kid really going to blow their nose through three boxes of tissues? And use 200 Clorox wipes? I think not. Anyway, happy back to school! Let the good times roll for all the moms who can drop their kids and go back home and take it easy. Your summer of ‘Mom, I’m bored’ has officially come to another close.

Cheers!

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I know this about myself

I keep other people’s gifts. All the time. See this little table runner? Yep, that was the thing I stayed up late to finish for my mother’s mother’s day gift. (No, that’s not a typo.) Why is it in this picture? On my table, should you know this is my table. Well, because I ‘tried’ it on. You know, to see what it’d look like. And what do you know? I liked it. It fit amazingly perfect. And what would my mother do with it anyway? It’s not like she has a naked table needing a runner, is it? And just look at those colors…how they accent the paint in my dining room. Yep, it’s now our new table runner. Needless to say, I had to whip up some lavender sachets and go to the store for a flower and hand lotions. The sachets almost landed in my drawers, but alas I can whip up more if needed for my own. 🙂

Okay, on to other things. My son, the almost-graduate, is in Disney World. He left yesterday. Our first time apart for this length of time. That makes me sound like the Goldberg’s mom, right? Although we do NOT snuggle together. But it was sad seeing him leave. Better get used to it, college waits for no one, come August.

On the adoption front….my agency failed me again. Without properly telling me which papers to place with an application for immigration, I was declined. Yep, what do they care. They aren’t in China waiting for their parents to come get them. They aren’t the crazed people who’ve chased papers for a year, had nervous breakdowns, and stalked the mail courier every day. I’m counting the days until I’m in the bathroom throwing up, riddled with anxiety to cross the ocean in a plane, and not understanding properly how to make change in yen. Or yang. What is the currency?

Back to mother’s day. It was great. I didn’t cook a thing. I did eat well, though. French toast in the morning, forget what the lunch was, and then orange chicken for dinner. Homemade. As in Yum-oooooo.

Today I have a confession. As I wish I was writing this post in anonymity, I’ll just say that I had a ‘friend’ who went to the dentist, or should I say back to the dentist, to get a filling or two. And ‘they’ weren’t feeling it. You know, like what the heck did I do to voluntarily come back here? As in, drove my…’her’ car there, parked, and awaited ‘the chair’, ‘the drill’, the stupid way your mouth feels all doped up while you spend the next hour drooling and biting your gum by accident. Yeah, well my friend, after waiting 15 minutes in the waiting room, decided that was long enough. If they didn’t get her in the first five, she wasn’t waiting anymore. So this friend of mine went to the desk, told small white lie, and left. Can you believe it? She felt sort of like she did when she used to ditch classes in high school. Amazing. I believe the song she said she blasted while spinning wheels out of there was something retro. Like in the ‘skipping school’ days of hers.  Yep, that picture pretty much summed up how my friend looked when she pulled out!

Now for ‘don’t you hate it when’…. don’t you hate it when you’re late for work, fly to the iron to flatten out your blouse, and you accidentally don’t take in account it has embroidery all across the front? You end up smelling like a pencil eraser all day so you eat tons of mints to blow into the air so you don’t offend the people around you. Yep, I hate that too.

Now no more white lies. It’s just a piggy toe in length to the ‘real’ lies we might find ourselves telling. 🙂 Have a great weekend, everyone!!