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When breaking up with your stylist…

See this? This was taken today before I went out to the grocery store. Okay, so it isn’t. Not far off…but you get the picture. I haven’t been to my hair stylist since December. Remember December? Christmas, halls decked, before the New Year? Yeah. My bangs have taken the shape of unruly weeds sprouting from my head. I have taken scissors to them, but alas they cover my bottom lip. Again. So back to ‘when breaking up with your stylist…make sure you have another option in the wings. I have none. It’s like I don’t trust anyone else, but I can’t go back to robbing banks before seeing her for my nine week trim. Her price had gotten out of hand, sadly. Like way out of hand. It was either feed the family this Wednesday thru Friday, or get a hair cut. So style has suffered. Whoa is me.

You know how on the show ‘Cheers’, when Norm would come into the bar, everyone would yell, ‘Norm’? Well that appears to be me at the Prime Care Clinic. “Why yes it is me, again. What? You can rattle off my date of birth before I tell you?” Uh, huh…that’s how it’s been this fine winter, melting into spring. Now it appears I have bronchitis. I’m a bit peeved about it, too. I am a HUGE advocate of taking mountains of vitamins, drinking plenty of liquids, getting rest, washing hands, wearing surgical gear to open public doors…you name it. Yet…yet!!! I have had the flu, the strep throat not once, but twice, and now bronchitis. All in the span of 2 months. Lesson learned? Eat the brownies for breakfast, drink that bottle of wine for lunch, and buy that monkey picture that no one will understand, but you love it more than Monet’s, Walk in the Garden. Or whatever Monet painted that everyone knows. For those catching up, I did not buy the monkey holding the camera picture. I was on this kick of saving money, watching my wants and needs and deciphering them best I knew how. Well, little did that help. I waltzed back into the store after only 4 days of willpower and it was gone. Who in the world wanted that ugly picture more than me? *as I beat my head with my fist*

So just do whatever, sickness will find you no matter what fortress of vegetarian slug you’re living under, hoping to cheat death by days or years. Enjoy life! Period.     I will try just as soon as this right lung of mine wants to begin cooperating again and stop being intimidated by all the sludge moving through it.

Well, everyone enjoy this weekend. After the teacher told me upon pick-up of my kids today, to make sure and not bring them next week for spring break, I decided I have to find alternative plans for them. May the good times begin…and may Monday not find them in my office as I begin the work week. 🙂

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‘I hope you don’t die tonight’

This is one of the nicest things my youngest son has told me in awhile. Isn’t that crazy? Have I told you this story? About my up and down life with him? I dedicated my latest book to him and he was both amazed and skeptical that I did. haha  He started out so, so cuddly. Well actually he came from the womb a very angry looking child. I had to change the name we picked for him because it was too sweet. He appeared a bit rough around the edges. But boy was he a snuggler. So much in fact that when he was about two years old, he questioned why my husband shared our bed and tried kicking him out. Throughout his younger days, he maintained this bizarre story that he was raised by aliens and brought here on a ship. Like I couldn’t make this stuff up. We actually got worried. Grandparents worried. They would ask if I was told the same recollection about his days before earth. yeah.

Anyway, time passes and he turns five and decides he doesn’t like me. As if I’d grown twelve horns that only he could see. Eventually his heart grew cold toward me. He wouldn’t let me sit near him, look at him…it was awful. He was the last, so it wasn’t as if he were jealous that someone else was taking his place. He just didn’t like me anymore. I would go back and forth from leaving him alone, hurt from his actions, and to keeping resolve that this would pass and I would remain his constant…always there when he was ready. Some days were harder than others. He actually mumbled hateful things to me. FOR NO GOOD REASON.

Fast forward to tonight. It has taken quite awhile to remain a constant, but as he was saying goodnight, he remarked that it was possibleI could die while he slept. Okay. I rolled my eyes and said, ‘I guess I could’. Then he looked at me with those light brown eyes with five freckles marking the bridge of his nose and said, ‘I hope you don’t die tonight’. Be still my heart. My little boy cares if I live or die. Improvement. Finally. 🙂

I’ve been writing….

Okay, that’s weird. But I’m keeping it. Anyway, I’m writing, and it feels so good. I’m in the head of this woman, Lucy. ‘Woman’ sounds so much older than what she is. She’s early thirties. I really like her. She doesn’t appear to be messed up, but as her writer would have it…she is. It’s headed into a series, I believe. One book cannot begin and end her. I’m so excited about it. I have to be careful because so much of my time can be consumed by a new project. I try my best to keep structure to my writing times. I can make no promises of not thinking about it every second of washing dishes, driving my kids to school, and staring ahead at the dinner table. 🙂 I’ll post an unedited scene in my next post. This lady is going to be fun!! And messy…did I mention messy?

Until next post!

 

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Heartbroken on Valentine’s Day

We all know that Valentine’s Day and me aren’t friends. Haven’t been for years. It just always turned out to be a crap day. Even when I did have a legitimate Valentine. It’s like Cupid circles my head and shoots flaming darts. But this one…this day started out fine. I finally remembered the cookies for my daughter’s school party. The teachers have only been after me all week. Yesterday they stapled a reminder…stapled! a reminder to her backpack. Then left another note inside her binder. I get it! Cookies. Anyway, I remembered. Then I set out and got everyone close to me a valentine, some fashion of a sweet, and a little $5 nothing. But something, really. I got my daughter a musical on DVD, my son these beans he collects. (They have magnets inside). And yada, yada, yada. I went in late to work, scored a free lunch, and went home to have a wonderful dinner made for yours truly. Whew, I made it. Then a few things happened, or as we know it, Cupid shot the first flame. First, my daughter confided that everyone in her homeroom got a carnation, some even 2 or 3, and she was the ONLY one who got nothing. None. Who does this? Why can’t the teacher read on the sheet who is getting one, have extras, and make sure no one leaves the room without one? Nope. So there my little girl sported around all day without a flower. She said she seriously could have cared less. Right. But alas, there is NOTHING I can do to right that wrong. Valentine’s Day is going to become one less rocking day to her, as well. Then my littlest boy comes to me and hands me 3 Valentine’s cards he received. 3. Not one of those homemade shoe boxes you used to make to hold the 20 that would come, but 3. He’s in the 5th grade, so you’re not asked to exchange them. In fact, they didn’t even send out a sheet with a list of names. And he didn’t want to give any–he’s a boy. And so it hit me. Hard. This is his last year in elementary school. The last time it will even be an option. (let me wipe the tears as I continue to write). My kids are growing up too fast. Way too fast. Said daughter will get her driver’s permit next month. Where does this leave me? I’ll tell you where. In a fetal position, crying my eyes out, surrounded by scrap books of all my little babies. Is this what empty nest feels like? Aren’t we supposed to be waiting until they fly out?        Nope.

I think I need to give serious thought to admitting I can’t live here anymore. For health reasons of not tolerating the cold, I must leave. I must find a place closer to the sun, with a dash of salt water, and lots of warm air. Like lots. It’s getting worse the older I become. Scratching ice off my windshield each morning, wearing layers like an onion, and practically sitting on a space heater at my desk is getting old. Way old. What happened to global warming? When is it happening? I can take a month of cold. Tops. After Christmas it needs to snap back to a cool spring of 6 months. Why can’t this be done? For crying out loud.

Oh yeah, I suffered through strep throat last week. Um, don’t ever want to do that again. Luckily no one caught it. I stayed in bed for 3 days. So unlike me. Even my bones were crying to stand up again. It was awful. This is what it felt like when I swallowed.No joke.

I’m gearing up for my book release, and writing my next book at the same time. It’s amazing how I can catch such a tailwind of writing, then sit down for a second and wonder, “where is this thing going?” And that my friend is the intercom calling for WRITER’S BLOCK. Never ask yourself where this is going. Just drive. The story will find its destination just fine. So, I’m off to not ask myself any questions, not ponder how my littles are growing up, and not thinking twice about adding another pair of socks or sweater to my already 2 layers. Peace out and have a great weekend!

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A little of this and a little of that…

So first, a little of this. I have a new book releasing in March!!!! Finally, right? The silence will end, my voice will be heard (or read), and bells will ring! Okay, so that’s dramatic, but a new book is always something to celebrate. Another baby being born. 🙂 With villains, and good guys, and smart girls. Whew, I’m so happy just thinking about it. I’ll be brief, but it’s about trying to move past a breakup and almost out of the woods of it, when…dum, dum, dum…..your ex asks for another chance. What? But, I almost got over you. I’ve been sort of seeing someone else. And you want a do-over? Um…let me see.   So tune in later for more teasers. I’ve got a million. Not really, but I’ve got to come up with at least two. With pictures. That’s always fun. Trying to pick from a gazillion people to favor your characters. You get the girl right and then the guy’s all wrong. Sheesh….

Anyhoo…now for a little of that. Christmas came and went. And frankly, I’m not sad about that fact one bit. I was never more not in the mood for that than ….than….well, I wasn’t in the mood. You could tell it in my decorations. There was no heart. I had no oomph. No get up and go. I have no idea why. Then my boys returned to college. Again. And early because we got snow and I was afraid for them to drive in it. Dumb snow. And it’s still there. Causing more trouble. Another day off school. Which I used to love…no getting up early, no packing lunches. Not so much now. Maybe because of all the bickering my kids do. Enough already. You’re bored. I get it. You don’t like going, you don’t like staying. Just go read a book. Yeah, right. Okay, let me go read a book. Or write one. Whichever you prefer.

No one has gotten terribly sick here. Thank goodness. I mean there’s the occasional stuffy nose. Which I can detect three rooms away. “Are you getting sick,” I yell. “Grab 3 vitamin C’s, 2 oranges, and a flax seed muffin”. I actually got sick 2 months ago. Nothing big, just couldn’t shake a cold. Like in a month it kept hanging on. My ears were stuffy, my throat was scratchy. And I know I’ve ranted about it before, but I went to an Urgent care and there was no doctor. Shocking, I know. Not really. They said, Evelyn will be in to see you. Have I really not told this story? I feel like it’s out there. Oh well, indulge me. I couldn’t have concluded it, because I just got the bill. $425.00!!! Yes, that’s right. $425.00 to see Evelyn. Who gave me something for a sinus infection. Like 1,600 mg of antibiotic every day. It was enough to kill whatever for future diseases. I could only take one. Turns out there is never a doctor at the Urgent care. NEVER. Only Evelyn. Then why is she $425.00 for 30 minutes. Do doctors exist? Where are they?

  And then the subject was closed on Evelyn and all the Evelyn’s out there.

Moving on. I’m into essential oils now. That’s new. Well, I’ve really been diffusing for 2 years. But now I’m like doing recipes and rubbing them on my body for different things. For example, they have a hormone balancing one. That’s fun. Not sure if it’s working. I’m still wiggy at times. Like strung out the kids don’t put their pant legs right side out for me to wash correctly. Will oil help in these manners? Ha! Who knows. The peppermint really helps for headaches. I’ve cut back on Advil like incredibly. I diffuse lavender, bergamot, and something else at nights. It’s truly wonderful. Just can’t remember that third oil. My kids tease me about it. Got the tummy ache? Let me get a roller ball of tummy ease for that!

I think that about wraps up everything that’s happened since the ‘Julieann shut down’. I’ve been working, trying to avoid laundry at all measures, and purging from my closet and other areas. Oh, I almost forgot. I’m working on a new concept. (not really all that new, it’s been around) It’s helped me greatly. Even listen to podcasts about it. It’s called Mindfulness. Being present in the moment. Sometimes it’s a real lifesaver. Here’s how it works. Sort of. You know how you’ve got a million to-do things on your mind, and your kid comes in and starts talking about the most long-winded thing you’ve ever heard? Well, instead of shaking your head and hearing only the mom from Peanuts (the wa-wa-wa), you actually stop thinking and focus on him. Or her. You live in that particular moment. Absorbing why the He-man character is so much better than the Incredible Hulk character. Your child even begins to believe you’re listening. And it eases your mind not to be anywhere else than there. Of course it works in other areas, too. Driving is one. I have a big problem with road rage. But when I realize it’s not their total fault that they want to turn into where I’m waiting to leave, thus slowing me down to wait for the cars now waiting behind them, I become less impulsive to call them ugly names. Thus making my children mutter things about them underneath their breath. Win, win. So mindfulness is our friend. 🙂 

 

 

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Ever Feel Existential?

I thought I was the only one that got these roaming thoughts. That was until my daughter came to me and said some of the funniest things I’ve ever heard. She’s just like me!! Things have her weirded out. Like her name, for example. She thought, ‘why do I come when someone says these 2 syllables?’ I rolled, laughing. She was dead serious when she asked me. At least I’m not the only ninny in the room. LOL  I think sometimes how this brain…this thing folded up piece of matter, like some type of science project I’ve left too long in the fridge, can remember numbers, how to drive with both my foot and hand respectively, think back to when I was five and how my mom’s house smelled when she cooked salmon cakes. Weird stuff like this. I believe Jim Carrey is going through this phase full time now.

Yes, it’s November. Again. And it will fly just like all the rest of the months of this year have flown by. It’s like I go to bed, rotate twice, and the alarm clock goes off again. Then Fridays whiz by, and Sundays keep me whining for more of a weekend to enjoy. And before I know it, all those Christmas projects I have in bags, waiting for me to sew or make for gifts, will get tossed back in the closet or thrown together in one weekend. Although, I must pat myself on the back for this one deed I’ve just done. I’ve bought like 3 presents already. This is truly amazing. Not sure why, but I did. Now not to hide it from myself and discover it at Easter when I’m searching for the candy I’ve hidden from my children. LOL

Drum roll please….my new book is near completion! That’s right, you read that correctly. I’m super thrilled. I get thrilled over all of them. It’s a lovely thing when you can pet, admire, and get jazzed about your own creativity. This one, I do hope, will not upset anyone. Ha, ha, ha. It’s messy, don’t get me wrong. It has to be messy. That’s what I do. If it’s not messy, it’s not true to life. But I don’t dangle anyone from a cliff, I don’t make you question the integrity of someone you love from page 5 thru 185, and I don’t…well, let’s see, I do a little. Oh, just trust me. I’m getting better at pleasing the masses. Want to know what it’s about? Okay, just a little hint.   Second chances. Everyone loves those, right? I do. But this is more than one second chance, it’s about three! Long story. (haha) So what if you’re getting over someone, or thought you were, and they try to reel you back in? What if while you were getting over them, you met someone who you thought might be the right someone? Just a theory.     Now to come up with a title for all that mumbo-jumbo. I used to love giving a work a title. Now it’s challenging.

Who could eat cereal for dinner? Me, too. Not easy when you have kids hounding you for something that fits more on a plate than a bowl. My husband wasn’t home for dinner tonight and I was like, ‘cereal, anyone?’ Yeah, it didn’t happen. I threw something sloppy together. I hope no one’s stomach is growling like mine. Maybe I’ll go and get those Lucky Charms now!

Here’s to everyone enjoying their week, not questioning the radicalness of answering to an audible sound made just for you (your name), and to me for choosing just the right title for this new book baby I will release in the winter. 🙂

 

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Shut the Front Door!

I bought “Pretty Woman” the anniversary DVD and guess what? There are scenes not seen in the one they play on television!! Or were they in the movie theater edition? Who knows. All I know is that when I was watching it and writing out bills, there was a moment or three that something was on the screen that I had never seen before. I loved it! It was like getting more of something that’s already wonderful. And who doesn’t love Pretty Woman? Who didn’t imagine an Edward would come into their life and whisk them off their feet with credit cards and paid living expenses. Oh, and be crazy good looking to boot? Yeah, no matter how old you can still imagine. 🙂

So one of my fish died the other night. I’m not sure if it was Clementine or Tangerine. They both confused me after a few days in the tank. I hate not knowing what killed the guy off. He was looking fat there for a few days. Which would not coincide with the thought I forgot to feed them a few times. Hmm… depressing. I asked my husband to dispose of the body. 😦

It got colder where I live. Which is wonderful for my car that doesn’t have air conditioning. But kind of sucky for mornings. Not that I’m a morning fan, but who wants to get out of bed to cold? Personally I like summer. I’ll take the heat. I used to be crazy about fall. It was my favorite. Then it got too sad. I get sentimental when the leaves change now. And right down depressed when winter hits. Give me the spring!! Then summer. A few days of fall, but absolutely no winter.

Time to think about Christmas. Now there’s a holiday to love. All the decorations, good will, trees, and Hallmark movies!!!! The kids hate when I decorate in November. Yeah, they don’t have to worry about lugging out all the stuff. Just a couple more weeks…okay like four, but they’ll be here before we know it!

Have a good rest of the week!

 

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Degrees of Lies

Do you believe there are degrees of lies? I do. Now I know what you might be thinking, a lie is a lie. No matter how you slice it, it’s an untruth. Yes, but what is the intent? What is the degree? We all lie. It’s the truth! We all lie. I feel like there’s a lie-ometer in everyone. Some reach high levels, some only move a millimeter, but we do it. I do it when I’m checking out at the grocery store and the girl asks politely how my day has been. It could be going awful, but I politely smile and say, ‘good’. Who wants to hear how bad my day has been? She’s just passing time and doing what she was taught in training. She doesn’t care. No big deal, no harm. And then there’s the lie of when someone comes to you with something they made and wants you to try it. Your stomach gut punches you as you grin and say, ‘it’s good. I like it.’ Again, we’re being polite with our white lie. The intent is to save someone’s feelings.

Then you get into the sticky, murky lies. The ones that buy you time. The ones that won’t cause harm, they just get you out of jail for a brief second until you rectify whatever it is you’re lying about. Like, ‘do you have that report finished?’ You almost do, and to say you don’t would create much more grief than if you say yes and run to your car for ‘gum’ and whip out the last few pages. That saves everyone. Yes, it’s a lie, but it’s correctable. No one is harmed and time is saved.

Then there’s the lie by omission. Now this is a very gray lie to me. Sometimes it’s a hard case to prove. To the liar, it’s not a lie. To the person being told, or not told in this case, it’s a lie through and through. Hmm…but would it hold up in court? This is where intent comes in. Yes, we’re omitting it to save time and feelings, but it would hurt if it were told. And that’s where the sting comes in. Brought to light it would most certainly hurt. If someone saw their ex-girlfriend/boyfriend for lunch and didn’t tell their significant other, or went to lunch with someone of the opposite sex whom they liked, and withheld that fact, is it a lie? See, now I’d have to say it wasn’t. It’s just sneaky. Sneaks are as dangerous as liars, so it compares in degrees.

Lastly is the bold faced liar. This is the one you can never trust, yet know for exactly who they are. This is the creep who has lunch with the ex and looks you in the eye and says they didn’t. NEVER trust this person. Are they redeemable? Who knows. Who knows if they are capable of telling the truth? Once you lie to someone’s face and realize how easy it is and how infrequent they get caught it can become an addiction. Like gambling, I suppose. Life becomes much easier to just lie. But keep this little gem in the back of your lying mind….lies are always brought to light. Always. And lies are very difficult to keep track of. The truth is much easier in the long run. Much easier. It can be as addictive. But be careful, the truth hurts. Oy!!

Enough about lies. It was a discussion I had this weekend with a friend who found out her boyfriend had lunch with an ex and did not disclose it. She was calling him a liar and I had to say it wasn’t a lie, just not full disclosure. Hmm…. what say you?

 

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My idea of fun…

As I pulled the covers back to get into bed tonight, I saw my bag of candied licorice, or as I’d like to look at it with beams of glow and call it, my little pieces of heaven. Ha-ha! It must not take much to please me, you might be thinking. No and yes. Remember what it was like when we were little? Yeah, I have a hard time, too. But do you ever think back to sliding boards? The thrill of slipping down and almost gliding off the whole thing into the worn ground below it? With the thought of a bruised back from the end of it? I just went down one with my daughter and trust me, not the same feeling. Maybe because I bumped down more  than slid? Had a child between my legs? It was probably all the above. Put into the equation that when we did it a lot younger, we allowed ourselves to feel the thrill…we lived in the moment. Heck, it probably was because we were a lot smaller and able to fly down the thing. But what we weren’t doing was asking ourselves what we were going to cook for dinner, did the kids have clean clothes to wear the next day…these thoughts weren’t plaguing us. So when was the last time you had fun? Me, you ask? Today around noon. I snuck into my room, got back into bed with my new bag of candy, ate it until I got sick, then fell asleep for 30 glorious minutes. Thirty, I say!! And I didn’t have to worry about a kid, worry about being late, worry about anything. Of course my kids began to wonder about my whereabouts and came in search. Nothing like seeing your mother in bed during the day, huh? “Are you sick” they asked. Nope. Just living the dream! LOL

We need to do more things that make us happy. Find things to make us happy. Life is short. We hear that all the time. But indeed it is. You never know when your number is up. Go to bed with a bag of candy, open a book or watch that movie. Just for the fun of it. Make it happen. Put someone in charge of the children first, of course. Then just savor the feeling. It’s over in a flash, but it sure feels good while it lasts. And do it frequently. I told my overworked son this weekend not to sweat the small stuff. He said he was young, it’s all the big stuff! And I guess to him it is. He hasn’t seen the rapidness of life moving quickly by. But it does.

It’s blasted hot here. I could use some cooler weather. But not too cool. I enjoy no layers right now. My poor flowers are gasping for water. And outrunning the hot weather with no air condition in my car is becoming a pipe dream. I thought I’d put off the thousand dollar repair with autumn on my heels. Not so. I’m still sweating like a pig from my driveway to my destination. Turn the sun down, someone!

Tomorrow is the beginning of the week. I shall choose to make it a good one. No matter what. And if the going gets tough, I’ve got candy!

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Ho-Hum

I feel like someone unplugged me when September happened. Summer only increased its temperature, school kept going on with afternoon activities, and work got pushed to ‘never a good day’ to go. Did the earth shift? What’s going on? This is the month I typically mellow out, not shut down. I guess if I really look into it I can see the break down. Sleep has become my ‘must do’ and not my ‘get to’. I feel like a toddler being told to go take a nap. “But I’m not done with things I want to do.” This is not to be confused with things I have to do. Now to the temperature. Normally school starts and the cool weather sets in. Ah-ha, you’d be wrong. It’s still a piping 95 degrees in this neck of the woods. And when your car stops compressing the cold air, this fact sucks. I’m dripping when I stop the car to get out to go anywhere. Not to mention my new passenger. Which is my next possibility of the energy deletion. Who knew having a five year old again would be so exhausting? Especially one that doesn’t speak a lick of English and has zero clue of when I say ‘don’t do that’, and instead she does it with gusto. Who knew?

Don’t get me started on the afternoon activities. I lucked out…drew the great straw…none of my kids really wanted to ever do extracurricular activities. Nor did I when I was growing up. Just ring that dismissal bell and let me get the bleep out of there! But no, my lovely daughter has taken up acting. And this requires hours of waiting to go and get her. No, not at a normal time…at dinner time! When I live over an hour round trip from the school. Joy to the world. It’s okay, really. A month and a half more and we get a month break until he next play.

I’m hanging in there. Trying to get used to the new normal. Writing at weird times, singing too many nursery rhymes, and making too many noodles. Still I’m joyful and humble to be able to have a new normal. We choose happy, we choose joy, and I’m tickled by the small things. Um, like the Hallmark movie Christmas lineup being released next week. Not that I’ll see it. I just know it’s coming up. Right after Halloween. And just typing that word makes me smile. I’ve already put out the pumpkins and await the hundreds of dollars I’ll spend on little cute candy bars for my bowl in the kitchen. It’s funny finding the wrappers underneath beds and stuck in the dryer thingy. 🙂

Have a wonderful week, everyone. I’m going to drink an energy drink and look alive!!!

 

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Hair Wars

Raise your hand if you like your hair. Okay, I’m surprised by that number. I love that I have hair, don’t get me wrong. But why did it have to be so thin…so lifeless…so straight, yet not. There is a bit of a wave, but not much. I bought curls from the time I was in middle school through high school when it wasn’t cool anymore. Then I just woke up every morning and took 15 minutes to use the iron. Only to have it die after two hours in the elements outside of my bathroom walls.

When I found out I was having a little girl…finally, (I have 4 boys) all I wanted was for her to have thick hair. Well, I wanted more than that, but this was tall on my list. And wouldn’t you know, my prayer got answered. That girl has hair that could never be accused of as flat and uneventful. It was so kinky, curly when she was little that it sprung to her ear lobes dry and stretched down to her waist when wet. Why couldn’t I get some of that? No, seriously.

This post was just another random thought of mine after seeing a picture of a woman with incredible hair. But I’d like to ask her, “Do you like your hair?” She most likely would have something negative to say about it. Tis life.

I’m off to throw some dye on my thin locks and wait patiently for the appointment to get it shaped up on Wednesday. I love that I have hair. 🙂

That is all.